All the Darkness of the World Cannot Put Out the Light of One Small Candle

It was the quote I used for the senior year book in high school. I haven't thought about that quote much since then-though I believe there is real evidence that it holds true. But you have to believe.

Last night we kept Ava up late to visit the Maine Pumpkin Festival, to benefit Camp Sunshine which provides retreats to kids with life threatening illnesses and their families. When I think about what our small donation contributed to, I felt overwhelmingly grateful that my child is perfectly healthy.

It made my heart hurt for those who are not so fortunate.

In 2006 this event broke the world record for the most Jack-O-Lanterns lit in one place in Boston. There was a record to be broken again this year, in the Guinness book of World Records. Unfortunately, the 23,000 + pumpkins lit last night fell short of the 30,128 goal.

23,000 lit pumpkins though!?! What a sight! Thousands of pumpkins lit and on display as the sky grew dark and the moon rose-the air was snappy and crisp and we bundled our little pumpkin up in a fleecy cocoon for the stroller ride through the field.

The tower of pumpkins was a big hit and the blue of the October sky against the gold light made me remember that all the darkness of the world really can't put out the light of one small candle.

If you believe.

8 Years

8 Years ago today, my father walked me down an aisle in our backyard garden to be married to the boy up the street. Today marks our 8 year wedding anniversary...Though I don't think of us as being married for only 8 years-I keep track in years been together, which is now up to 13. We have other anniversaries too- the year we bought our house, first went on certain trips, started a business, pregnancy, the birth of our daughter...

This one is a big one though. It marks for me, the start of a really big adventure with my husband. With my bestest friend in all the world. This adventure of marriage has been what all of our adventures are: challenging, funny, comforting, frustrating, fulfilling, draining, maddening, uplifting, sustaining, perfect, terrifying, exhausting, hilarious, unbelievable....we all have a big adventure or two in our lives, this marriage is one of mine.

Today when I think back to our wedding 8 years ago, to who I was, what I thought was important, relevant and real-I realize that I am a very different girl today. I am sure my husband is different too. I am thankful that we have become different together. We seem to have grown up and are still curious about the future changes the other will go through-curious enough to stay in the game, so to speak.

Today I want to thank my husband. I want to say thank you for so many things. Thank you for taking care of my crazed, unreasonable, frantic, obsessed, manic self, for always believing in my new projects, even when it means I tear the house apart for weeks, for always shaving shortly after growing a beard, for bringing me cereal in the middle of the night when I was pregnant, for being there for every second of my labor and Ava's birth and every day since then, for being a loving and involved father, for all the crazy things we have done, places we have been and experiences we have been through together, for every day that you have been there leading up to today, for the past 13 years, for being you, you have made me laugh, you have made sure I make it through, and I appreciate that you are still here every day when I wake up. I know it isn't easy and that I (often!) make you want to "poke your eyes out"...(I think that is how the quote goes!) Thank you. Thank you for making me want to (frequently) poke my eyes out too. What would life be without passion!?!

We never have a dull moment, never a boring day. That is how I like our life. Full, sometimes unbearable, usually exciting and hopeful, always ridiculously humorous and curiously magical. It's been a wonderous 8 years.

Nannie's Fresh Apple Cake

This recipe is for Katie, my long time and dear friend. My mother's mother (Nannie) left it with her other recipes when she died. That is one of the few things I took when we cleaned out her apartment. Along with a wedding ring quilt Nannie made and boxes of old photographs, Nannie's recipes make me feel like she is still here. If my memory serves, I was actually at Katie's mom's house when my mom called to tell me Nannie's funeral was scheduled and that we needed to go to Mississippi-right away. Katie and I worked together. I thought I shouldn't leave work. It was Katie who encouraged me to go to Nannie's funeral and I am grateful she did. My mother really needed me that week and though it was a very somber occasion, it gave my sister and I a rare glimpse into our mother's childhood, her Southern roots and her past. We grew up in Maine and both my sister and I live here as adults now, we weren't really exposed to the South and the stories and memories of my mother's childhood. I think the thing I love the most about this recipe is that it is written in Nannie's handwriting. There is even a mis -spelling in it- a little imperfection that makes me smile. Nannie was quite a put together gal and keeping up appearances was an important duty. I keep it in a little plastic pouch for safety in my recipe box. I am happy to share this simple recipe with all of you out there. When you bake it, a little bit of Nannie will live on. Thank you Katie for reminding me of this apple recipe and of Nannie. Enjoy! Nannie's Fresh Apple Cake 1 2/3 cups flour 2 tsp baking powder 1/4 tsp salt 2 eggs 1/2 Cup sugar (white) 1/2 Cup firmly packed brown sugar 2 tsp vanilla 2 1/2 Cups finely chopped, peeled and cored apples (tart are best, Granny Smith) 3/4 Cups chopped walnuts (optional) Mix flour, baking powder and salt, set aside Beat eggs, sugars and vanilla in a separate bowl until fluffy Add flour mixture to egg and sugar mixture, mix Add apples and 1/4 cup of nuts if using these Pour batter into lightly greased loaf pan, 8" round or small glass baking dish Bake in 350 degree oven 30-35 minutes or until cake peels away from side of pan and toothpick inserted in center comes out clean Cool 25 minutes, cut into large squares and serve on desert dish (Southern belle!) with ice cream.

Fools Rush In

What was I thinking?!? I rushed into making hats for Ava, because I needed some confidence, you know...to tackle the cardigan I keep avoiding. Some confidence. We know what happened with the first hat. So I tried again. This is the second hat. I even modified this one, reduced the number of cast on stitches to make it smaller. Fat chance. Our biggest pumpkin swims in this one. It may have to be pulled out and started anew. I really loathe having to pull out knitting...I even got all fancy- like and figured out how to use two different colored yarns...It figures. So I tried again. This is the third hat. This one was supposed to be for an adult man. Yeah, right. Our smallest green pumpkin thinks this hat is just right. It actually fits Ava-wasn't that what I started out to do here- knit a hat for a baby!?! This one will find it's permanent home on my friend's new son's head this Christmas. At least this hat won't end up back on the ball of yarn. I think I need a break-I am going to make a Halloween head piece for an undisclosed family member's costume. I'll take my time with this one-no rushing in.

Apple of My Eye

We took the apple of our eyes to pick apples at the orchard for the first time at Willow Pond Farm-one of our favorite places.

Here, you ride a horse drawn wagon out to the orchard followed by a tongue -wagging black dog and then visit the pigs, sheep and turkeys.

On the way out, they have yarn, pumpkins and cider for sale at the little farm stand by the road.

It is like Disney World-only the Maine version!

Ava loved every minute, and so did we-she ate an apple with her Dad for the first time-he didn't even have to show her how. This baby loves to eat. I wonder where she gets that?!?

I picked several bushels of apples for pies, applesauce and crisp while those 2 gorged themselves on apples and played in the trees. Ava's sweater was soaked with apple juice and her chin and hands were all sticky, but that is what being little is all about, isn't it?!?

Another gorgeous, crisp day with warm sun, this really is my favorite season. We will soon be picking a night for the big pumpkin carving, but first I have to go make a pie. Or three..

At Last!

Okay, I admit, I have put down the cardigan for a bit. I really just felt like I needed to complete something first. Yes, complete something before I complete the cardigan. To build my confidence. Then, I promise, I will finish the sweater. Right after I finish the hat I just started. Yes, the second hat...But it was really cold here last night. Winter is really coming-haven't you heard?!? And my daughter does not have a suitable winter hat. Not one that meets her high style requirments and my airtight requirments anyway.

I spent a luxurious afternoon nap time outside, knitting, for one last warm autumn afternoon. These are the last hours of the flip flop days for 2008.

Ava slept for 3 hours-which gave me some really good headway.

I was fueled by the delight and pride of finishing my first knit garment. I stayed up until 1 a.m. last night to finish it. Well I only had 18 rows left-how could I have fallen asleep when I was so close to finally completing a knit item? My first-after months of trying!

At 1:20 a.m. I woke my husband. "Can you stand it!?!" I hissed in a whisper, so as not to wake the baby. "Look! It is done-my first hat!" At that time I was actually wearing the hat myself, still blissfully unaware that this meant it clearly would not be the right fit for my 10 month old daugher, for whom it is intended. I was kneeling by Chris' side of the bed, shaking him to awaken.

"What is wrong with you-are you crazy? I have to get up in 4 hours!" he mumbled at me. Then he squinted one eye open. "Great. Pretty. Real pretty" he mumbled and promptly fell back asleep. I could barely wait for the baby to wake up so I could have her try it on.

That is when the trouble started.

And the disappointment.

Mine, not hers. She obviously thought this was a great hat. I stewed.

Would I be able to wear this precious first hat? As a beret perhaps?!?

Would Mr. Rabbit?

Would anyone's head see the inside of this hat?!?

Then a creative and useful solution came to me-which has left me feeling better about the hat than I did when I first completed it. Simply add a fleece lining and some ear flaps! It still needs a chin strap, but I am confident it will work.

False confidence, perhaps, but I need it as I just started another hat in an organic strawberry pink cotton.

Maybe I will finish the cardigan by my November 7th deadline...Just maybe.

Maiden Pumpkin Patch Voyage

Well, it certainly wasn't the maiden voyage for my husband and I, we are veterans of the autumn harvest for decoration pilgrimage. But as a family and for little Ava, it was our first time to the pumpkin patch. The air was perfect- cool & crisp, warm sun and the smell of apples, pumpkin molasses doughnuts and cider in the air.

Clearly a small someone wasn't so sure about being plopped down in a sea of orange creatures equal in size to herself, but once we got in there with her, she warmed up a bit. She kept looking apprehensively all around her-how small and vulnerable a child is in this world. It made me feel bad for her so I quickly got in there and held her. How much longer before I can't just jump in and hold her when she is scared... Not long enough I am sure.

We enjoyed swinging on the swing in the barn, though Ava would not let the tiny pumpkin she hand selected, out of her sight.

Not even to ride the vintage toy tractor.

I can't believe that she is sitting up and that she has obvious preferences. She looked over several pumpkins and gourds before carefully selecting this little specimen and she was clearly pleased with her choice. She held it up to show us as if to say, "can you believe what I found!?! It is just what I was looking for!" We have a small shopper on our hands. A savvy shopper at that. I wonder where she gets that?!? The tiny pumpkin now has to sit on the table next to her high chair during meals so that she may enjoy it's beauty. She asks for it-well sort of. She points and grunts and squeals at the poor little tooth marked pumpkin until we move it over to her. Then she is satisfied.

After a doughnut (or two!), a cup of lemonade, a loaf of homemade bread to take home and an autumn morning spent with two of my favorite people, I was quite satisfied too.